Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Club Tantra: My Experience, Unabridged 2

After the Puja, a few experienced couples went off to get freaky in the bedrooms down the hall, while most people sat around the main space, waiting for something to happen.

Charlie and I sat on the floor next to Mr. Hunky and his girlfriend, with the intention to gauge her interest in women. I tried to initiate contact with her, but she cowered close to her man. She appeared uncomfortably shy and ambivalent about being there. I suspected that he had convinced her to try this out, but once she arrived, the reality was far too strange and intimidating for her to relax and be present.

Anton produced some massage cream and said, “Somebody could make use of this rug…any one of you lovely ladies?” Guess who took up that offer? As soon as I sprawled out on the faux animal rug, the energy in the room shifted. Anton had been massaging Anya on a table. He came over and offered to massage my arm, while Charlie massaged my ass. When I turned over on my back, I felt many eyes scanning my flesh. Mr. Sputter Mouth asked if he could join. “No, thank you.” A few more men made offers, which I promptly declined. I requested Mr. Hunky to massage my leg. Then I asked Frenchie, who seemed unassumingly hungry for attention, “Est-ce que tu peux masser mon pied, s’il te plait?”

Those who were not directly involved in my massage seemed otherwise inspired by my initiative. Although I was in my own world, I sensed observation and movement around me; people were either enraptured by the scene unfolding before them, or beginning to create their own scenes. Charlie informed me later that everyone in that room was focused on me. A balding new-agey guy spilling fat from his open robe gave me a huge compliment: “It’s wonderful watching you and your man interact…you’ve got something magical between you…it’s beautiful.”

I always attract attention at sex parties, without much intention to do so. Ego aside, I am aware of the effect of my looks, my actions, my choices. I’m aware of my power to create a scene that will naturally transform into the most exciting attraction at the party. Maybe it’s because I do things that others are afraid of doing; I take initiative when I seem to be a wallflower and people are shocked at my unexpected boldness. Maybe it’s because I’m not obviously doing it for them, even though I know that my actions will be noticed. I am fully aware, but at the same time I don’t care. Perhaps that’s what leaves them in awe. If I were to act as though I were performing, I imagine they would be less interested, and possibly even annoyed. I would be quite the critic if I were watching myself perform to get attention.

The same thing happens when Charlie and I are at a party together. It seems that everyone wants to play with us. Maybe it’s because we are often among the most attractive people present. More than that though, I believe it is our comfort with each other, and our combined sexual energy that make us so desirable. We are, individually, highly sexual beings. Together, the dynamic is magnetic. People want us with envy. We turn down many requests. We are there for our own pleasure with the intention to find a couple or a woman or two who satisfy our eyes and complement our energy. We are there for each other; everything else is candy. And we eat only the finest truffles.

More to come...